Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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