The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize