I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
