Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
