Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Randomize