he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
