So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize