my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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