so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
