Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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