I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize