If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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