Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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