Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
