Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Randomize
