i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
