Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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