sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
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