Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
