i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
