doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Randomize
