Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
