Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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