I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Randomize
