Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
