you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
