I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
