college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
