I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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