i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
