You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
