Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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