Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Randomize
