okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize