Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
