dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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