she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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