Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
