Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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