Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
