I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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