She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
