i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
