am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
