i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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