Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I look better un-naked...
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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