oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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