...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
