I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
