she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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