just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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