Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
