so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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