So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Drunk is not a location!
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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