just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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