no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
