Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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