Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
