so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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