ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Randomize
