Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
