I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
