shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
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