he puts the penis in happiness.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
a search helicopter?!
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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