people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
