well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Randomize
