I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
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