I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
