I wish life had little blips of pornography
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Sext me about skeletons
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Randomize
