I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize