I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
