Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
